Grandpa’s hands

“Ew  I don’t wanna hold your hand Grandpa they’re yucky”.  Those words hurt  but they were true, my hands are kinda yucky.  We were in Redmond Town Center, going to see Santa Claus, it was the cold of  winter and  while my hands are never “pretty”, in winter time they are  really kinda  gnarly.  Dry and split, stained with grease, dirt and nicotine. Constantly bleeding or scabbed from  something  somewhere, my hands  always hurt somewhere.  I  don’t treat my hands very well. Never have and probably never will. Continue reading

Suicide is Painless

– no it’s not! If you’re thinking about killing yourself  call 1-800-273-8255

The title of this post is  misleading –   “Suicide is Painless”  is a song title – it was the theme song to  the TV show M*A*S*H , loved the show and  I even used the song as an audition song in my acting days. Not because I was very good at singing it, but because it evoked emotion in me. But it is a misnomer. Even those of us that contemplate it  know that.  Wait,  WHAT?  Us?  You?   Yep me…..  I am a person who has contemplated suicide many times and may have attempted it a time time or two.  But  that doesn’t come close to defining who I am. I am not my mental health.  Continue reading

Flaming

I cannot sit idly by. This is not a political post, this is not a bleeding heart liberal post for I am not a liberal, I am not a conservative. I am a human being that has common sense, eyes, ears and a heart. You have to be missing one or more of those things to not see, hear or feel the division and  the outright hate, bigotry and  lack of empathy,compassion or even common sense coming from the alleged president-elect.   Continue reading

Ripples – Edited and updated for 2016

**WARNING –  Seriously  this is  a real WARNING**  –  the below  post contains some  very graphic language, and  depictions of traumatic, tragic  and disturbing  events including death and destruction.  Please  read at your  own  discretion** Continue reading

Wild Raven Visitation update

The wild ravens  have been  visiting Suk  daily for over a month now,   Suk will  now occasionally interact but his typical reaction is  no reaction whatsoever,  just goes about his business  eating his food, playing with toys or just  hanging out “perching”.  Continue reading

Eye opening bucket list

I just celebrated a  birthday, not  any big milestone birthday , but closer to  then end than the beginning for sure…  as  a “gift” to myself  I booked  several Dr’s appointments   since I’ve been  very bad about  going to  Dr’s for a bit now…  I’ve had some  bad experiences  so I put it off and  kept putting them off. So  for my birthday ,  I booked  an eye Dr, a heart Dr and  a  couple different Primary  care Dr.  appts. Continue reading

The  Real Seven Year Itch

Happy 7th Wedding Anniversary and National Eagle Day 😉  darling. I love you.  Are you itchy?  Is it from the bugs I keep? or the thought of  earwigs? Fleas and ticks?  nettles?  For the record I’m not itchy  but if you have one, I’m happy to scratch it anytime, why?  because I love you! Continue reading

The Secret of NIMH’s Truck (An F-150 Tail)

I have been sharing my truck with  mice.  We live in the country, We have bird feeders. Mice are part of the deal.  We don’t use any poisons. Poison  kills other  wildlife besides the  target species ( owls, hawks, raccoon, possum, any  critter that eats the poisoned animal or the poison itself!)  we don’t use  glue traps because they are  extremely inhumane,  torturing any animal  is  wrong. Continue reading

Mystery Building Revealed

I got word that Suk wasn’t working out for the free flight program at World Bird Sanctuary (WBS) in St. Louis. I didn’t get many details, just that it wasn’t working out and would we know any other prospective new home options for him. WBS I am certain did everything properly and correct they are an amazing organization, not every birdie is cut out for life in working with the public in free flight. Continue reading

Dreams

As most of my loyal readers know or have figured out, I have PTSD. I’ve had it and dealt with it for many years. I’ve tried many less than effective “treatments” over the years. Some not so smart, but that was before I really knew what it was that was “wrong with me…. After my actual diagnosis, I tired medication but didn’t care for how it made me feel… then I just tried to deal with it on my own, that didn’t work so well. I lived with it and helped other people and animals as much I could. Now that I can’t even do that, except through online activities ( I do hope to get back to being able to physically do some more work with wildlife and people again in the future) I am really feeling the depression side of the “disorder”. But unlike a lot of people, and unlike a younger dumber me, I am getting real help now… talking with a counselor, getting EMDR therapy, and looking into natural as well as maybe chemical assistance ( not alcohol or drugs sheesh… medication if necessary – going to work with a naturopath first). OK so enough of THAT nightmare stuff… let’s get to something a little more uplifting – Hopes and Dreams….

Continue reading

#icebucketchallenge

I have been challenged by a few folks to do the #icebucketchallenge that has gone more than viral…. That’s a great thing right?   The fact that it went viral on social media and has raised awareness for ALS/Lou Gehrig’s disease – Awesome! At any given time in the USA more than 30,000 people have this disease and more than 5000 people die from it each year. There is no doubt it is a terrible disease. I accepted the  challenge(s), of course…… Continue reading

Congratualtions Letter to our youngest (Where has the time gone?!)

Dearest Easton,

Today you  complete a journey of 12 years, they seem long to you now, but one day you’ll look back and say wow that flew by! As I sit here, after just saying good bye, good luck and I love you  to you as you head off to school for your oral board,  I look back and wonder where has the time gone?   Continue reading

Ripples

**WARNING –  Seriously  this is  a real WARNING**  –  the below  post contains some  very graphic language, and  depictions of traumatic, tragic  and disturbing  events including death and destruction.  Please  read at your  own  discretion** Continue reading

I’ve got worms….

Yep you  read it  right…. I’ve  got worms  and now I have  beetles too!!  Which  can only mean 1  thing!   Soon I’ll  have more  worms  yippeee…… You all remember the old song  no body  loves me everybody hates me  guess I’ll  go eat worms?   I remember my Mom  singing that  in a joking way  when giving us  pity parties as children… ( if you don’t know what a  pity party is well  you didn’t  grow up right LOL) ….. Continue reading

4 Years….

4 Years….  It’s  been longer than that  that we’ve been a  couple,  but married for 4 years… it seems like yesterday we  were in  Vegas  but the  calendar doesn’t  lie….the  scale does to me  but that’s  different…  the calendar  isn’t smart enough….. My Darling ,   4 years… Continue reading

Walk in my diesels

Up  before the sun on Saturday morning, not intentionally but  you  make the  best of it.  Hobble  downstairs  stiff and sore,  your feet hurt,  your back  hurts, you have your typical morning headache, you slept like  crap  but hey you do know  that you are alive!!   Make your way to the miracle maker…. ( most people call them a  Keurig but not you…) it’s set to come on at 5 AM on it’s own,  but that’s  still  more than an  hour away….turn it on and, put in  the second to last  Starbucks  Tribute Blend  K-Cup …. you feel  a sadness that  there’s  only one left,   but it’s OK  you still have  6 boxes  of Tribute  VIA  that consoles you…. Continue reading

Star Wars Day, Cinqo de Mayo and Revenge of the Sixth!

May the  fourth  be with you ….  ( and also with  you…) …..  that’s how the  day started. Me  updating   Facebook with    a corny  post , changing my profile pic  and cover photo  to Star Wars  themed   pictures.. yep I’m a  geeky,  nerdy, dweeb and  proud to be  unique! Continue reading

Life’s a Garden – The ‘sparagus needs your help!!!

I found out a few years  back that I really love  growing things…there’s  something  special about  planting a seed, nurturing it  watching it grow and harvesting it’s  fruit. I even got my  son   hooked on it…I’m not that  good  at it, but   I’m proud of my   gardening…. I look forward to the  day (soon)  where we have  much more property and I can  have a  giant garden…  I do realize the   symbolism  here put to  real world experience which makes it all  even more special to me… to  plant the seeds,  to  nurture and to enjoy watching  them grow, to do what you can to keep the weeds out and give each plant the  room to  grow but not let them get too big and take from others,  to  reap what you’ve sown  and at the end of the  season to  till it under and begin again….it’s the  circle of life, the cycle of  the world… Continue reading